Sacking Up – CluelessMe’s Husband Strikes Back

So apparently my wife’shonor has come under attack… Let’s make one thing clear, no one attacks mywife and belittles her except for me, which is why I must call out a little prick we had trolling around the Clueless Newlywed Blog last week.  (Seethe comment left by a certain Blue Rauchmann on a recent post here.) For those of you who don’t want to click the links, I’ll save you the hassle. This is what he said:

Does your husband knowyou post this trash online? If my wife had a problem with me and opted to air our dirty laundry over the internet instead of discussing our problems with me, I’d flip out. Her shoe collection, purses, and thousands of dollars worth ofhaircare products would be in the front lawn and her ass would be on the curb,right next to the trash cans–in a conspicuous place where the garbagemen couldpromptly haul the flusey to the dump. This isn’t some realization of a Desperate Housewives’ daydream, lady; this is your life.

It makes me wonder howmuch of a man your husband really is. All of your posts come across as bitchy andunappreciative, under the guise of ‘marital advice’/’cute anecdotes’, and it’s very lame that some guy would end up with that type of broad (I can onlyimagine how much worse it is in person) and the accompanying public emasculation. What is even more pathetic, though, is that this guy allows it to continue. Come on, brother! Sack up and move on, dude; you’ve got to put your foot down sooner or later. This is absolutely an abomination of a marriage, and I hope either your husband comes to his senses, mans up and puts an end to this juvenile nonsense or you realize how incredibly shallow and vile you come across and voluntarily bring about a conclusion to disseminating ‘marital advice’.

-Blue Rauchmann

LOL Seriously man!?

Okay, Okay…I’ll take your advice for a sec and “sack up” here, but it’ll be to defend this blog and put you in your place, not my wife.

You said you would be pissed if your wife “aired your dirty laundry likethis in public.”  I couldn’t help but laugh that you think this siterepresents our “dirty laundry.”  If you think me not knowing the White Album or my repeated habit of leaving empty milk cartons on a counter is“dirty laundry” than you have some pretty damn clean clothes in your house.

Simply put, the Clueless Newlywed Blog is a glimpse into our marriage. Anyone who knows us can personally attest to our quirky, yet loving relationship. Our light-hearted and good-natured jabs at one another are just part of what makes us, as a couple, so fun to be around, and that’s what makes this blog so entertaining to read.  Now, 99.9% of the people who read the CluelessNewlywed Blog get this…How you missed the memo, I don’t understand. Maybe you have relationship issues. Maybe an ex broke up with you on Facebook, and you’re still harboring resentment towards women and the Internet, or maybe you weren’t hugged enough as a kid…Whatever the case may be–Lighten up, man!

Why would I ever be upset at my wife for posting these articles? They represent some of our greatest memories!

Do I do some stupid things from time to time? Yes. Do I have little idiosyncrasies that she struggles to live with? Maybe a few!  But I’m not upset. It’s online for the world to see because every marriage has a story or two like these.  Maybe not starring a husband quite as handsome, sexy and humble as myself, but we’re all just as clueless from time to time.

Here’s a quick lesson, Mr. Rauchmann, and you better pay attention to thishistoric moment in which Clueless Newlywed takes a serious tone–At thebeginning of all relationships, both people involved are excited to be with oneanother 24/7.  They talk, take walks together, they let down their guardand gradually expose their souls to one another, imperfections and all. It is at this most intimate moment that people lose sight of why they fell inlove in the first place.  It’s a bit ironic…You finally find someone you can stand before truly naked, and yet somehow they were more attractive fully clothed (metaphorically of course).  It’s at this point in a relationship that all too often the laughter dies.  People stop being friends and become partners; They stop laughing at each others’ nuances and begin to resent each other for them.  They get caught up in bills, work and life. They come home and see their spouse as nothing more than an extension of themselves instead of a separate and beautiful soul mate.

You are way off if you think my wife is bitching about me here. Rather, she still sees the fun, carefree man she fell in love with all those years ago.  The Clueless Newlywed Blog is a reminder that these personal “annoyances”can be laughed at…They can be the source of happiness in a marriage and not a source of friction.  Does my wife piss me off when she wakes me up flip flopping in bed? Hell yes!  But that same flaw that pisses me off at 3 am also brings a smile to my face as I type this sentence because it’s that flaw that makes her, her–a.k.a. the woman I fell in love with.

Don’t you get it? We’re all uniquely messed up versions of perfection, that’s what makes us who we are. It’s what gives humanity it’s individuality. I’ve known Nikki for seven years now, and we still make each other smile everyday.That’s a blessing, not an abomination, and that’s something I am proud toshare with the world.

I’ll give you credit for one thing, you are right…Marriage and life do havesome very hard and serious topics worth discussing in a much more serioustone.  That is why you will see my wife’s brand soon expand into a morediverse product with serious topics to accompany the more lighter-hearted posts.  So if you want a more well rounded and serious “CluelessNewlywed,” then I can assure you that soon your prayers will be answered.

But until that day comes here are two bits of advice:

First, go ask someone for a hug because it’s clear that you need one; and Second, don’t take life so serious, you’ll never get out of it alive.

About Nikki Flores is written by Nikki Flores, a clueless girl who lives in Littleton, Colorado and blogs about how clueless she really is when it comes to life's crazy adventures. She writes in an honest, open, and sometimes witty voice. In other words, she keeps it real, raw, and completely relatable.
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