The Ex Files and Then Some

I knew that it was going to be an interesting weekend the very moment my husband turned to me and asked, “Honey, how would you like to meet my old high school sweetheart?”

Although I was a bit put off by the request at first, my husband eventually explained how he really just wanted to get his old high school friends together for a mini-reunion. I resisted for a bit, but he assured me that it wouldn’t be awkward.

After all, meeting my hubby’s high school sweetheart couldn’t possibly be any more awkward than the time I agreed to go to my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s wedding, only to find out when I got there that it was an orthodox Jewish wedding. (Translation: I got to sit with bunch of girls I didn’t know, who were speaking a Yiddush-Hebrew-English slang that I couldn’t comprehend, while my husband hung out on the “men’s side” getting drunk the whole night.

“Sure, honey.” I responded, forcing a smile.

Meeting the Ex
I suppose meeting my hubby’s old flame wasn’t <em>that </em>bad. Aside from having to force conversation, being squeezed to death in what she considered to be a hug,  and feeling left out of old high school jokes…Oh, and did I mention how my husband insisted on building a fort with his ex’s daughter? Oh yeah, and while he was reliving his childhood days with his ex’s daughter, I was left to fend for myself making small talk with the ex. Believe me, it was a blast. (Yeah, no, not really.)

Death March

Because we all got together on Shabbat, my hubby and I had to walk from the house where we all met to the house where we were staying for the night. After we said our goodbyes (and I had to endure another too-tight hug), my husband and I set out for what we planned would be a two-mile walk back to the house. Three hours later, we arrived at the house. Yep…Apparently, my husband (who refused to ask for directions and kept insisting the whole time that he knew exactly where he was going) didn’t have a clue about where he was going. We literally walked in a giant three-mile circle…In the dark…At 2 am in the morning!

Jail Break
Most of you may not know this, but my hubby’s mother has a borderline unhealthy obsession with taking in stray cats. (I’m telling you, I really shouldn’t have been so surprised when my hubby rescued a baby skunk.) At any rate, these cats are my mother-in-law’s pride and joy. And guess who lost one this weekend? Yep…It was me. I left the front door open, and one of them slipped out…Or so I thought. For an hour and a half, I walked aimlessly around the neighborhood in my pajamas, frantically calling out for this missing cat, while holding an open can of wet cat food. All the while, I was systematically thinking about the nearest hotel where my husband and I could sleep for the night because I knew there was no way in hell that his mom would let us stay in her house if we lost one of her cats…As I graciously tried explaining to neighbors why I was in their yard peaking in their bushes, my husband flagged me down to tell me that the cat had been hiding in a cupboard inside the house the whole time. Apparently, this particular cat does a “cute” trick. He opens up the cupboard, slides in, then closes it again. All together now…Awwwww!

Itchy and Scratchy

And when I thought that the weekend couldn’t get any worse…My husband and I agreed to meet up with his high school friends again at a park. Only problem with that was it had just rained, and we were sitting near a river infested with mosquitoes. Let me tell you, I experienced a new level of torture that day. As if hanging out with my hubby’s ex wasn’t bad enough, the visit ended with one last big bear hug and 16 mosquito bites on my body.

So looking back, what my husband really should have asked me was: “Honey, how would you like to meet up with my old high school sweetheart, get lost in the middle of the night and have to trek six miles on foot, lose one of my mom’s cats and then get eaten alive by mosquitoes?”

Clearly, if he had been upfront and honest with me from the beginning, my answer would have been a tad different.

About Nikki Flores is written by Nikki Flores, a clueless girl who lives in Littleton, Colorado and blogs about how clueless she really is when it comes to life's crazy adventures. She writes in an honest, open, and sometimes witty voice. In other words, she keeps it real, raw, and completely relatable.
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